Crying in H Mart

The loss of a parent can feel so complicated, to put it simply. Just today, I was reminiscing about my mother’s presence in my home. The way we used to bundle up under her soft, blush pink blanket, gossip about the lives we had lived just hours before, and put on The Devil Wears Prada or Downton Abbey for the 100th time. Someone like an older sister told me to read this book, but I put pressure on myself and told myself I wasn't ready to open to the first page. Maybe it is because life has consistently knocked me down, or maybe I'm just self-inflicting my own troubles. Whatever it was, I needed guidance and a way to feel close with her again. Michelle Zauner, lead singer of the indie pop band Japanese Breakfast, shares her relationship with her mother and the trials of grieving such a loss. Comically, I was at a coffee shop reading the back of the book, listening to Kokomo, IN, a song by Japanese Breakfast. The irony of listening to her music before I even knew she was the author gave me a strange courage to begin finally. With foggy vision and tears rolling down my cheeks, I turn the last page, head to my mom’s untouched closet, and smell her Jo Malone perfumes that bring me back to my childhood.

Crying in H Mart is a memoir dedicated to her mother that highlights what it is like to grow up in a Korean-American household. At times feeling disconnected from her Korean heritage and even her own parents, she finds comfort in the Korean food her mother makes. She had a complicated relationship with both her father and mother because of how they treated her, showed affection, and set harsh expectations for Michelle. But she always felt confident in her mother’s love when her mom took her down the aisles of H Mart, carefully explaining each ingredient. At the age of 25, her mom was terminally diagnosed with cancer. With much confusion and sorrow, she shares her efforts at caregiving, regret, and strength to try now to connect to her Korean culture to comfort her mom, the way her mom did for her.

I love how this memoir perfectly emphasizes the significance of such ordinary things that can hold so much grief. Something as simple as a grocery aisle, a meal, or perfume can make that weight of emotion work its way out, even though you thought you pushed it down as far as you could. Also, the way Michelle remembers her mom isn't always good, but it shows that love can exist right next to conflict. Not everyone grieves the same way, but even when we feel disconnected, there are always ways to feel. Even if this book isn't relatable to everyone, it shows that love and connection can be found anywhere, in any way, and I believe someone who has someone to love and miss is the richest person of all.